New Spring

I have not been around here for a long time again. In fact, I only find myself here whenever Ruben's life changes. In the past it was never this way. Every moment (more or less) was captured in words. Ruben feels that for the past 2 years plus he'd been taken away, unwillingly, unknowingly, from what he knows and does best: Writing. Not just writing, that would be to sell it short, for it is an escape, a sanctuary away from the world. This plastic world we live in, few can fathom the need to express oneself, for having been droned and programmed into a routine, the individual has long been lost. Existing and living, how closely linked, yet how far apart. Anyway Ruben digresses,  or perhaps he doesn't at all, he's been trying to live, to make the best decisions in life but often they've been pretty poor.

Finally starting life in NTU reminded Ruben of a few things. First, that there are never truly new beginnings, just the changing of seasons. Secondly, that Ruben's fate and future is truly in his own hands. Lastly, that pain in life can never go away, it leaves an impression, not a scar, but something deeper, more profound, like an echo. Seeing so many new faces and making new acquaintances (just not friends yet!! but soon Ruben hopes) is just such a stark contrast to the days of JC and NS where Ruben was in his comfort zone, around people he knew, people he loved, people he cared for... and people who loved and cared for him.

Ruben felt himself slipping into society, something he badly didn't want to happen. the individual, such a unique work of God, yet in this cold, concrete world of ours, the very thing that makes us humans special is being eroded. Our personality.

It slips away, day by day, like waves upon a beach, rain upon a roof. So why only now does Ruben return to this place? After all it is his home in a house, somewhere his mind is allowed to run free, free of the shackles of society. No rules, no obligations, no need to conform. The challenge now is to do more for himself, because in the past it was always about making people happy, making sacrifices, giving up on hopes and dreams. It's time Ruben did something in life for his own selfish self.

...


He looked back into the depths of his tortured mind, his tattered soul and a wave of emotion threatens to crash down upon those carefully built walls, a defense against emotion itself. "Such dark thoughts", he thought to himself, was this how it really was? No warmth, no feeling, no needs. To have been forgotten and to forget, to push or pull, in the end someone will always get hurt. Better it be anyone but himself, better not to have a heart, than to feel a world of anguish.