that girl I used to know

Meaningful talks always help. Meaningful thoughts help just as much too.

I took a walk down memory lane last night. Wow. The changes. The person I've become. Not too bad huh? Heh, self-congratulatory as usual. But that's just me.

I took some time to clean out the closet. The past should be buried in sand and forgotten, there is little else I can take from it anymore, anyway. There is the moment, and the next, and what exactly I make of it. I think that is all that should matter.

Yet. She still looked the same. As beautiful as the first date, the first walk home, the first kiss, all those firsts...

Sadly she isn't my last.

I don't regret decisions I make. I have come too far to have room for regret. If you're gonna second guess everything you do you might as well stay in bed until you die.

Story today? Nah...





I looked at her, her puffy eyes stared back emptily at me, piercing, cutting through the fibre of my already condemned soul. Often so gifted with words, I could find none. Some movement of my lips, but nothing audible came out. I felt so fractured in my head, so tired of this.

Why wouldn't she understand? Doesn't she know that this is such a pivotal moment in my life? I couldn't possibly be spending that much time with her. I had other priorities, my future. Yet then she was still my future. The woman I saw myself building a home and family with. Dreams. But I was faced with reality. The brittle, unwavering cold of reality. I swallowed, looked down at my hands, holding her smooth yet clammy fingers.

Tears, such a cruel weapon to thrust upon a man. I crossed the boundary and felt nothing. Not even the cold. My heart. My heart was sealed from the moment.

In truth it was bleeding, I was so fatigued, I could not help but to sigh. That brought more sniffling and tears. Stop. Please.

You're hurting me too.

I am doing this for us as well. Why won't you see it?


Of course she couldn't. All she could see was her life sitting opposite her, looking so cold and blank, as if she didn't mean a thing. I just had to hide it all, I had to keep myself from breaking. She could always get under my skin, get past the walls that surrounded me, reach into the soft side that existed. I never knew how she did it. Never knew how she made me trust me, and her. But I had to be in a right state for the challenges that lay right in front of, challenges that required me to not feel.

I moved a little closer, pulling her to me. My heart had already left but I had to be here for her. Let her know that the person she loved still existed. The struggles of love was as such. Well at least she stopped sobbing and rested her too-tired head on my shoulder. I took in that blissful scent of hers and found a speck of some kind of emotion that still lingered in me.

Good...