OK I can't do this, it's just sinking in and I can't run from myself anymore. I just couldn't sleep, woke up at like 4 and I just feel oh-so lost. I'm numbed to the point where I can't even cry. I don't think I'm hurt, just very stunned really... Somehow, I just wished everything could be made much better but it can't and that's the reality of it which I have to face.

Fuck you Ruben, can't you just let your pride die down? It's not going to get you anywhere. You, of all people believed so much in something greater than the world could offer. You, want to break down and cry over this? It's not the way of Ruben to fall apart and seep away.

I need some time to bring myself back together again, might take awhile. Seeing how the past few weeks were some of the happiest moments in my extremely short life.

Thank you, for those wonderful memories.

I don't know how long I can hold this back, it's just dying to get out and tear me down.