Only Human


That's what I am, and I'm afraid I'm less human and capable as others are. Felt totally terrible today when my boss asked me some stuff and to explain some data to him. I mean.. I hardly know the stuff then I really didn't know what to say. Then he's like "I don't wanna stress you" But you're really stressing me by setting such high standards and demanding so much. Sigh. Really... SIGH. Hmm but the people I know so far in the office are really nice, Eugene, Jovi and Encik Justin.

I feel/and probably know that I'm not cut out for PA work. I'm good at giving orders and crafting things and brainstorming and thinking of boomz kinda stuff. But contacting people... remembering details and the nitty gritty, that's really not my cup of tea (READ: KOI) to be honest.

Was so upset and depressed that I took the file which Eugene got for me and went into the conference room and emo-ed. Encik Justin talked to me and advised me to talk to my boss if I'm having difficulties.

SIGH for being disorganised and messy and the first jerk to run away from stress and that dreaded R word. RESPONSIBILITY!! -runs

OK lar I'm not that irresponsible but I'm quite the slacker and I rather crack my legs running or footballing than crack my brains over data and figures and stuff like that!

I hate being compared. Ahha but Eugene's really great at his job and I know deep down that I'll look like a joke when I take over cos honestly I don't have that kind of personality and rational logic to do this kinda job.

I'm a feeler, I let my emotions lead me to my choices. Forgive me but God made me this way. Its a double-edged sword really.

Gosh I'm so sorry for disturbing someone who's having exams real sooooooon while I sat there alone and phased out into deep, emo, depression land. Gahh I must come across as being really whiny and pathetic and hopeless la. But thanks a lot for listening/reading my texts!! :8

But I just don't know who to turn to and she's the first person I thought of! Ahha, Jo along with Encik Justin and Jovi kinda helped to cheer me up abit!! :)

HAHA I JUST REALISED ALL THEIR NAMES START WITH J!!! :O

I don't mind trying my best cos I'm honestly sick of being called mentally weak cos I always give up. Mr Ian Ong was right, why should I blame others and shirk my responsibilities when I should take the initiative and work hard?

Its just when people demand what seems like perfection and I know I'm far off from it and always will be cos perfection doesn't/hardly exists!!

Back to the conference room part, so while I was messaging her and after Jovi and Encik left I sat there and thought about what a fail PA I was gonna be and I just couldn't take everything in, all the information thrown at me over the past week has been so overwhelming and all. And I just teared there and then.

Weak. Yes.

I'm only human, but I'm brave enough to admit I'm not as good as many others. I thought getting stressed and nagged at home was the end of it, now at work I get pressured and stressed too and I think Jovi's right. Welcome Ruben, welcome to the adult world.

But that's the problem with me, because I dare to dream. I still do, I'm still somewhat a kid la.

I feel like I have a right to have what I want because to me, nothing is impossible.

Yet running away now is not an option. I try not to speak up also when I have problems cos I don't want to be seen as weak or what and maybe I should tell my boss tomorrow. Cos I really feel very terrible.

On the bus back I was listening to Westlife on my iPod and I almost really cried in the freaking bus. I think my eyes must have been red and all bleary cos a few people were looking at me.

Every song got sadder and sadder, till I reached I'll See You Again..

How I reached TPY, bought my tasty KOI Ice Cream Tea and walked home without another tear shed was a bloody miracle in itself. Yeah... apparently KOI is comfort food...


Okayyy fine it wassss!! -slurp slurp

listening to: I'll See You Again - Westlife