Reprieve

Had such a mixed weekend, football was amazingly good besides aggravating the battered ankle, the rest? Saturday wasn't that great at all.

Have you ever cast aside something, erased it from your life, telling yourself you'd never look at it ever again? I did, and I've been getting along pretty fine, trying to get a feel for life's simplistic beauty ever since I finished NS. The extent to which I had to detach myself, tear myself from baser emotions. It wasn't easy but I had to.

I'm pretty sure I saw her.

A spectre, a shadow.

A pain. It pierced me but for a moment.

I mean. Sigh...

I believed in it, the better part of me did, Ruben did. Not the other guy.

The other guy does not feel, lacks of want, he does not think.

And you know what? He won.

I turned away in that moment, and never looked back, for fear of weakness and shame washing over me in that moment. My choice. My mistakes. My burden. But I will bear it no longer. Because life has to go on, and I believe she'll be happier for it. I was sure back then and even now I'm not the one for her.

Somehow I always thought I had let it go fully. But it had been shackles tied to my ankles, pulling me back from my future.

That moment when I turned away, I felt the weight of it all dissipate, the immense fragility of my being removed. Now, I live. And to live, to win, I'm willing to break all the rules.