But I forgot about the light. And in its absence I lost something. Until recently.
It brings me back to a period in my life when everything really sucked. I remember that night, after my graduation in SJI, where I dropped a pipebomb of a letter on my parents. Mine you it was 4 pages long, 4 pages of pain and anguish, of a life with little happiness and being controlled. I needed something more.
I wonder if I would regret it, but I didn't and I don't. It was a plea for emancipation, for freedom that I'd never had. I was stifled, chained down to what they wanted. I wasn't given the room to flourish and grow. I felt bad that they cried so much, and there I sat, with Snow Patrol's Make This Go On Forever haunting in the background. I sat, and stared lifelessly at my parents, because I had no words to say. I had poured everything into that letter. It was the first time in my life I tore my heart and soul out because I needed things to change. I needed to fly, to truly live. I'd lived 16 years in the darkness. I just had to.
I remember my mother asking me how bad it was. Well it was fucked up, I was a nobody, I could not break out of that shell because I'd been held back for far too long. Yet I don't blame them, they are after all my parents. What struck me was that I'd never thought about taking that leap of faith earlier. And I guess things have been for the better, I definitely did better for my A Levels than my Os!
Today was a great day despite my tortured shoulder killing me, finally have a good game of football. No, make that a great game of football, it's been almost a year coming and I finally took control of a game, playing as a defensive playmaker has been tiring, the learning curve steep. Today I got everything right, every pass found a team mate and I think I won almost all my tackles too. Plus I scored a goal carved out of nothing to boot!
Kinda happy but meh, there's still work and stuff weighing on my mind. :S
I will try, to fix you
-Coldplay
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