Monday, October 29, 2007

Sitting here, I remember the day we first met, when we exchanged those forbidden glances at one another. I’m sitting here on that very same bench where she rested her head upon my shoulder when she had so much to say. I walk towards the bridge, where I swore I loved her true and forever, where we had our first kiss. The memories seem like yesterday, but time might have stopped and I wouldn’t have noticed.
It starts to drizzle, just like that night when I proposed to her under the starry sky. Only now, the rain parallels my somber mood, the cement floor damp, damp like my face when I couldn’t fight those tears that were pouring a year back. Why? Why did she go? Everyday I bring myself back here, hoping to find answers within myself, longing for a closure that I should’ve found months ago. Her face like a facade imprinted in my mind, those words she said hurt too much for me to take.
I reach into my jacket and fetch out a ring, a ring that stood for a love we thought would be eternal, but who was to know that people changed? I in my foolish and naiveté state thought it would be the same forever. What a fool I was, a fool for love and romanticism. Even after a year, it still sparkles like the day she first wore it, when her alluring smile took my heart home with her, when she said “Yes”.

I begin my slow walk across the bridge, each step bearing the pain of the same path I took a year back, a path of no return, the first and last times we went our separate ways in different directions. I wonder how she’s doing now, happy I hope. I never understood what she meant when she said she couldn’t go on. Every call after that night seemed like a desperate attempt to make something out of nothing. I never envisioned my life without her and now I know why. I struggled to move on after spending six years with the woman I thought I’d spend my entire life with. But then again, what isn’t yours isn’t yours.

At the crossroads, where we took one last look at one another, the look of despair, that of a sense of hopelessness and she left, without a word but with my heart. My dwelling in my reverie seemed to have numbed me to my emotions all this while, but tonight, I can’t hold back my tears anymore. Tonight, we would have celebrated our seventh year of being together. Tonight, I was supposed to marry her.

Perhaps I should have let go of her back then. But somehow I believed that she would come back some day. I hoped and waited, and she proved me wrong. I turn back, to cherish my final night at the park where I spent those unforgettable moments with her and as I turned to walk, I would have thought I was dreaming or dead.

There she stood, right at the spot where I first confessed to her that I loved her, she looked at me, her eyes red. She didn’t say a word, but I found her in my arms, in that sweet embrace that I longed for the past year. She kept saying “I’m sorry” over and over but I was at a loss for words. She had proved me wrong yet again, I never thought I would have seen her smile again, never.

She had got my letter saying that I was going to move to another town. That she’d received all my letters but was too afraid to come back, too afraid that she’d hurt me too much to deserve a second chance. “It’s alright.” I said, it always was. I’d never stopped loving her all the while. I took her hand, so smooth and pale that her skin glowed in the moonlight, and we walked, and caught up on the time we’d lost on a love that I thought I’d lost.

No comments: